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If Facebook Was A Guy


FACEBOOK: Hi, I’m Facebook.
ME: Nice to meet you, I’m Ryan.
FACEBOOK: What’s your last name? Where do you live? When were you born? What’s your phone number? Is that work or mobile? Can I have your work number too?
ME: Facebook, I just met you.
FACEBOOK: This is what friendship is to me.

ME: Hey, you know what’d be lots of fun? If we had a picnic!
FACEBOOK: Hey, you know what’d be lots of fun? If you told me the names of every single person you know!

FACEBOOK: Hey Ryan, do you know this person?
ME: That’s Sarah. I haven’t spoken to her for years.
FACEBOOK: Okay, here’s a shot of her bedroom and some pictures of her children as they sleep.

FACEBOOK: Hey Ryan, do you know this person?
ME: I… maybe? I may have seen him at a party.
FACEBOOK: He likes The Big Bang Theory. You wanna be friends, right?
ME: No.
FACEBOOK: I’ll ask you to be friends with him every time I see you again for the next six months.

FACEBOOK: Your friends went to the beach. Do you have any comments on these pictures of your friends at the beach?
ME: Huh?
FACEBOOK: I’m showing their swimsuit pictures to everyone. Do you like them? You can tell me if you like them. It’s fine if you like them.
ME: They’re… okay, I guess?
FACEBOOK: Okay, I just told them and everyone they know that you like their swimsuit pictures.

MY FRIEND STEVE: Hey, Facebook just said we’re not friends anymore? What the hell, Ryan?
ME: Huh?
FACEBOOK: Hah hah hah

NSA: Hey Facebook, what can you tell us about Ryan?
FACEBOOK: Age, interests, relationships, activities, where he was last night, what he looked like while he was there, the last five places he’s lived - what do you want?
NSA: That’ll be great, thanks. Do we need a warrant?
FACEBOOK: Nah, just make a fake account and friend someone who is friends with Ryan. That’s good enough for me!
NSA: Hah hah hah

FACEBOOK: Hey, did you know your aunt is racist?
ME: I… no?
FACEBOOK: Here’s something they wrote about “the foreigners”.
ME: Why would you think I’d want to see this?
FACEBOOK: Do you like what you see? You can tell me if you like it. It’s fine if you like it.

FACEBOOK: Hey, this corporation wants to engage with you.
ME: What? No.
FACEBOOK: They paid me money so you’re going to listen to them whether you want to or not.
CORPORATION: Hi, are you getting married? Do you want to buy diamonds? You mentioned diamonds earlier so you should buy our diamonds.
ME: I was talking about the James Bond movie, Diamonds Are Forever.
CORPORATION: We can sell you that too.
ME: Wait, how did you know I was talking about that in the first place?
FACEBOOK: Hah hah hah

ME: Facebook, I don’t want to be friends anymore. Forget everything I ever told you about myself.
ME: Facebook, did you delete everything?
FACEBOOK: I did. Sorry to see you go.
ME: …
ME: …Facebook, if I said I wanted to be friends again, what would you say?
FACEBOOK: Here’s all your old shit again! I never deleted anything!
FACEBOOK: Hah hah hah



So. Yeah. Guess who has a monthly strip in the new Doctor Who: 11th Doctor comic from Titan Comics?

It’s me, guys. It’s totally me!!!!

The Eleventh Doctor was and is still my favourite Docco, even if the last series didn’t do that much for me, I still cared for that raggedy man and held back a big tear when it was finally time to let him go. The Eleventh Hour is still one of the best season openers of telly I’ve ever watched and it was really season five where it all started to click for me. I loved Eleven’s boyish enthusiasm mixed with this old man look at the world, there’s so much going on under that mad looking face. I loved his stupid fez and his stupid glasses and his stupid braces and his stupid puffed-out-chest run! Most of all though, it’s the friendship between him and The Ponds I enjoyed the most, he truly loved his friends (who turned out to be his in-laws?!) and it’s that aspect I’m tapping into with my back-up strips, just with more laughs. Titan told me; “Think Darth Vader & Son but with the Doctor.”

Titan’s approach with my strips is very much like that of Boom’s Adventure Time range; you have a main story going on in the front and then you can a page or two of nonsense at the back. I think their efforts should be applauded, they’re very much trying to branch the comics out to a wider audience, a more Tumblr friendly, web comic savvy crowd. Kudos to them and I hope the back ups become more of a regular thing and a massive massive thanks to editor Andrew James for going to bat for me several times. I’ve just handed in September’s page (my favourite so far) and I’m working on the fourth strip right now. It’s a really fun job which I am enjoying immensely and hope they keep me on for a very long time to come.

Issue 1 drops Wednesday, though sadly for UK dudes you can’t get it in any shop other than the Forbidden Planets or via Comixology. The rest of the world, should have noooooo problems.

Well done, Mark. This is excellent news.

Are You Ready For July 26nd? It's Doctor Who Comics Day - Bleeding Cool Comic Book, Movie, TV News

Did a quick reblog of this earlier, but I didn’t mention where I’d be, which is in Bristol Forbidden Planet with Rob Williams from 3pm onwards, and then answering questions on Facebook later.

I’m not on Facebook anymore, so that might be a challenge. Maybe I can piggyback off Rob’s - I’m already sleeping on his sofa that night.

EDIT: I said 4pm before - it’s 3pm!



If you’ve ever wanted to get into WASTELAND, the book Chris Mitten and I created together before UMBRAL, this is by far the cheapest way I’ve ever seen:

Comixology are having a massive sale, $0.99 per issue or the first 50 issues for $24.99. That’s 50 cents per issue, insanely cheap.

I bought the whole series full price recently. This is a bargain.

(I wrote the intro for the new hardback, so wanted to read it in one go. It’s startling work.)

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